Find My Place
by lovelovelove198090
Summary: Brandi is Daniel Desario's next door neighbor and Sam Weir's new friend who happens to have a hopeless crush on him . Her first year at McKinley High is spent trying to find out where she belongs: with the geeks or the freaks, desperately trying to get Sam's attention, and trying to avoid the wrath of Cindy Sanders, one of her fellow cheerleaders. OCx
1. Another Brick in the Wall

_We don't need no education _

_We don't need no thought control_

_No dark sarcasm in the classroom_

_Teacher, leave them kids alone_

_Hey! Teacher! Leave them kids alone!_

Brandi reluctantly woke up. She'd already hit the snooze button twice. If she had once more, she knew she couldn't count on a ride to school from her next door neighbor, Daniel Desario. Before she rushed off to the shower though, she waited until the song was over. It was a song she'd never heard before, but she really liked it.

"That was Another Brick in the Wall Part 2, by Pink Floyd," the deejay said. She quickly jotted down a reminder to go pick up the LP at the record store after school, and went into the bathroom, took her pajamas off, and jumped into the shower before she had to look at herself. It wasn't so much that she hated how she looked, it was just early in the morning, before she really felt comfortable really looking at herself, or anything for that matter.

After a quick shower and brushing her teeth, Brandi got dressed for school in jeans and her too-big Ramones t-shirt with black Chuck Taylors. She bleached her long, curly red hair blonde, and put on some blush. Than she wiped half of it off since she used too much.

Daniel honked his horn outside and Brandi rushed out of her room. "What about breakfast," her mother said. She grabbed some money. "I'll buy an Egg McMuffin on the way to school," she said. "That's not real food," her mother shot back. "And we could use that money for more important things, and you know it."

Daniel honked his horn again. "Come on, freshmeat," he shouted. "I have to go, Mom," Brandi said, racing out of the house. "You better pay me back!" She climbed in Daniel's car and shut the door. "Hey, Daniel," she said. "Hey, Kim." Kim looked at her with contempt. "Brandi, what the hell did you to your hair?" Daniel turned around. "Holy shit," he said. "With your hair like that, you look like-" "Christie Brinkley," Brandi said hopefully. "No," Daniel said. "A whore." "Oh, so all blondes are whores," Brandi snapped. She turned to Kim. "Actually, I see where he's coming from."

Kim rolled her eyes. "Just because you wrecked your hair doesn't mean you have to take it out on me." "I just wanted to look more… high school-ish." Daniel snorted as they drove by McDonald's. "Wait, stop here," Brandi said. Daniel shot her a look. "What? I missed breakfast. I'll be really quick, I promise, and we won't even have to go through the drive-thru if I go in by myself."

"We gotta pick up Ken and Nick," Daniel said. "Come on," Brandi begged. "Fine," he said. "Just hurry the hell up." Brandi raced as fast as she could into and out of McDonald's. As she climbed back into the car, she started eating her Egg McMuffin. Daniel snatched it away and Brandi slapped him on the shoulder, and grabbed it back.

After picking up Nick and Ken, they finally got to school. "Well, freshmeat," Daniel said. "It's your first day at McKinley High, and… well, you managed to make yourself look like Jodie Foster in _Taxi Driver _without the right clothes. Now, Brandi, looking like a teen prostitute will either make you a teen outcast, giving plenty of things to bring up in therapy, or make you the most popular girl in school. Or, you could turn into Kim. In any case, don't talk to us. We might eventually consider approaching you if you become neither of these things, or after you're no longer freshmeat. And that's pretty much all I have to say."

Daniel chuckled and Brandi sneered. "You're not high, are you? 'Cause if you're high, I'd have to take the bus. And I'm not taking the bus." Brandi starting getting out of the car, as Daniel leaned over to where she sat in the back. He ruffled her hair, and said, "See you around, kiddo."

Brandi slammed the door and starting walking toward the school, as the others got out. She turned to Daniel. "And by the way," she said. "I'm sorry if being in your car destroyed the social balance and your whole cooler-than-thou image, but everyone already thinks you're an idiot, even without drugs, you asshole."

She turned back around, and kept on walking to school. Ken laughed and shook his head. "I think I'm starting to like her."

Brandi passed through the doors of McKinley High, and started walking towards the freshman check in table. She bumped into another girl and they both fell. Brandi started getting up to compose herself, and caught a glimpse of the girl.

She was slender, with brown hair and eyes and pale skin, sort of freckly looking, and tall. Brandi smiled shyly. The girl seemed sort of intimidating to her, and made Brandi nervous, and definitely not in a good way. "Hi, I'm Brandi." The girl smiled, sort of like a hyena. "My name's Cindy," she said. "Cindy Sanders. Are you lost?"

"Uh, no," Brandi said nervously. "Why would you think that?" "It's just, you look sort of like one of the junior high girls, the ones who are always trying a little too hard to look older, you know?" Brandi blushed. "And you might want to get whatever's wrong with your hair fixed up." Cindy turned and walked into the line. "See you around, Brandi!"

At that moment, Brandi knew she'd met the bane of her existence, after only being at McKinley for two minutes. She got in the A-F line, thankfully far away from Cindy Sanders.

When she reached the front of the line, she came face to face with a gum chewing cheerleader. "Name," she snapped. "Dumbrowski, Brandi," Brandi said nervously. "Is 'Brandi' a nickname," the girl said slowly. "No, I'm just Brandi." "How do you _spell _'Brandi'?" "B-R-A-N-D-I." "That's different." "What's _your _name?" "Victoria. I go by 'Vicki.' Here's your information, move along, frosh."

Brandi took her information packet and headed off to find her locker. She stopped in front of Locker Number 223 and starting trying in vain to open it. She gave it a hard kick, but it still wouldn't open. She felt a tap on her shoulder.

She spun around and looked at the tapper. She saw him and fell in love. He was sort of scrawny, but only about a half inch shorter than her. He had wavy brown hair and friendly brown eyes and sort of Spocky looking ears. "Um, my name's Brandi Dumbrowski," she said. "Is there a problem?" "Uh, yeah," he said, putting his hand on the back on his neck. "You're, uh, trying to open my locker."

"Oh," Brandi said, blushing. She checked her paper again. "I'm two twenty _four._" She quickly moved to the right and opened her locker. "My name's Sam Weir," he said. "Are you a freshman too?" "Yeah," Brandi snapped, recalling the Cindy incident. "And no, I'm not _lost. _And I'm _not _supposed to be in junior high."

Sam looked at her curiously. "I didn't mean that. I mean, I thought you were a sophomore maybe." "Oh." Brandi blushed again as she threw her backpack inside. "What junior high did you go to," Sam asked. "Chippewa South. All of my friends went to Lincoln, but I was two blocks out of the right district, so here I am. How about you?" "Chippewa North. All two of my friends are here."

Brandi laughed. "Do you know anyone here," Sam asked. "My neighbor Daniel and his friends are juniors. But they ditched me already." "My sister Lindsay's a junior too." "So, do you think we have any classes together," Brandi asked. "Oh," Sam said, "we can see." They checked their schedules and saw they had all their classes together.

"Talk about destiny," Brandi muttered. "Huh?" "Oh, nothing." "So…biology would be…where?" "No idea," Brandi said. "Let's go find it together." They wandered off into what might as well have been the Bermuda Triangle, but the only thing Brandi would remember was that at 8:35, she met her first high school mean girl, and at 8:47, she met her first high school friend.


	2. Edge of Seventeen

Once biology started, Sam and Brandi were assigned their lab partners. Cindy was in that class too, but thankfully, she wasn't Brandi's partner. She was with some guy named Bill Haverchuck, and Sam was with an overweight boy named Gordon Crisp. Brandi's partner was Neal Schweiber.

The first day (at least for the freshman) was a type of orientation were the kids were allowed to attempt to get to know each other, find out where their classes were and how to get there, learn what was expected of them, and all that crap.

"Hi," Neal said. "You know Sam?" Brandi smiled and blushed. "Not really," she said. "We just met this morning, that's all. We're locker neighbors or whatever." "Oh, that's cool." "Uh, so you know Sam from elementary school?" "Yeah, we go way back."

"Does he have a, you know, girlfriend," Brandi asked, biting her lip. "Sam?" Neal laughed. "No way! Why, are _you _interested?" Brandi shook her head. "N-no, just asking." "OK," Neal said, shrugging. "So… what do you like to do?" Brandi shrugged. "I like to read, and watch movies, and play video games at the arcade."

Neal studied her for a moment after she mentioned video games. "What games do you like?" "You know, S_pace Invaders_, mostly. And _Galaxian_." Neal stared a little more, apparently shock. Then he just barely composed himself. "I didn't know high school girls played video games. I mean, I didn't see a lot at the arcade or anything…"

Brandi just shrugged. "Maybe you could look out for me at the arcade sometimes." "OK." Neal stared at her some more. "What happened to your hair?" "I bleached it." "Oh! I've seen you before, when you had red hair." "Cool. Do you like _Star Wars_?" Neal blinked a little. "Uh, sort of. Do you?" "Yeah." Brandi found out Neal liked _Caddyshack_, _Saturday Night Live_, Steve Martin, the Marx brothers, _Star Trek_, Atari, and math.

After bio, the day trudged on for Brandi. When lunch finally came, she met up with Sam, Neal, and their friend Bill. They sat at a small table near the window. Over lunch, she learned how to play _Dungeons and Dragons_, and Brandi told her new friends she was taking them to the record shop after school to teach them about The Ramones, The Police, and Led Zeppelin.

At the record store, Bill couldn't get too interested in the music, but Neal and Sam seemed to like it. Brandi went to go pick up the LP she wanted, when she ran into-who else-Ken. "Hey, Brandi," he mumbled as she walked. Brandi nodded back and Ken just chuckled. "Please, Brandi," he said. "You aren't cool."

Brandi rolled her eyes. "Why do you guys keep ragging on me?" "Because," Ken said, laughing. "You're the baby." Ken grabbed her and started giving her a noogie. Brandi noticed Sam staring and pushed Ken off. "Don't do that around my friends, ok," Brandi mumbled. Ken's gaze fell upon Sam.

"Awww, does Brandi have a crush on somebody? A certain squirrly-looking somebody?" "Shut up." Brandi took her record and went up to the counter with the guys. Sam had decided to buy a Ramones album, _End of the Century_, and Neil bought _Led Zeppelin IV_. Strangly, Bill bought the _Grease_ album.

As they left the record store, they all started talking. "You know that guy, " Neil asked, sounding surprised. "Yeah, he's Ken," Brandi said. "I've had the misfortune of knowing him since we were kids."

"But he's a freak." Brandi rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but they're virtually harmless. They just think they're cool, but they're really idiots." "My sister's turning into one," Sam muttered. "An idiot," Brandi asked. "No, a freak."

Brandi shrugged. "Same difference. Isn't she a Mathlete, though?" Sam sighed. "She quit. Dad had a conniption." Brandi shrugged again. "Parents." A car pulled up on the side of the street.

Daniel poked his head out. Ken and Nick sat in the back. "Brandi," he said. "Your mommy said I have to give you a ride home. Get in." She rolled her eyes. "Go away, Daniel. I told her I was walking on the pay phone." "She changed her mind. She decided you needed a ride. Get in." Brandi sighed and turned back to the boys.

"Bye, guys." She climbed in the car, but Daniel didn't drive away. "So," he said casually. He gazed at the group of geeks. "Lemme guess." He pointed at Sam. "You're the one Brandi's in love with, huh?"

Brandi turned bright red. "Daniel, let's go." But Daniel wouldn't shut up. "So, Sam, isn't it? I guess the blonde, former ginger, prostitute in the Ramones shirt look drives you wild, huh? Not to mention those braces, or the 38Bs at only fourteen, perfectly concealed by a baggy t shirt. That sure isn't a training bra you'll be getting into, man." Brandi glared intensely at Daniel. "Shut up."

He finally drove off snickering. "I hate you, you know that, right," Brandi mumbled. Ken chuckled. "If you hate us so much, why do you ride to school with us?" "Out of convenience."

Brandi was silent the entire ride home. When she got inside, she raced into the bathroom and attacked the bleach in her hair until it was red again. She ate dinner silently, not saying a word to either of her parents. "Your hair's back to normal," her mother commented. Brandi shrugged. "What's wrong?"

She looked at her mother angrily. "I thought you hated Daniel." "Why would you say that?" "Because he's a pothead." Mrs. Dumbrowski stared in shock at Brandi. "Everyone has their problems, honey."

"Yeah," Brandi said. "I guess his problem hasn't killed him yet. Not like Shawnee's." "Don't talk about it, Brandi," her father said. "Whatever," Brandi said, pushing her plate away. Her mother glared. "No, you are not. You are going to eat every single thing on that plate, and YOU WILL NOT VOMIT!"

Brandi stood up and pushed her chair into the table. "I'm not Shawnee! I'm just not! I was never the prodigy, and I'll never be the failure, OK? And, Dad! Guess what? It happened. She's just dead! She's been dead for two years now! It's over!" Brandi grabbed her denim jacket and ran out the house to the only place she ever felt safe: Ken's house.


	3. SOS To the World

Brandi knocked on the door and Ken opened it. "Hey, ginger," he said, laughing until he saw Brandi's face. "Hey, Bran, is everything okay?" She shook her head. "They-they still think I'm Shawnee." "Come in," Ken said. "My parents aren't around, so if you're hungry or you want booze or something, well, I mean, you can do what you want."

Ken was sensitive about the topic of Shawnee too. He was in the hospital when she died with the rest of the Dumbrowskis and Daniel, who was Shawnee's boyfriend. Shawnee was Brandi's sister, who was three years her senior. Shawnee was beautiful, with cropped naturally pale blonde hair and big brown eyes. She was tall, bronzed, had perfect teeth, a perfect figure, and glasses that, instead of making her look like a nerd, made her even more captivating.

In short, she was the physical opposite of Brandi. She used to be nice to everyone. She was a ballerina, a gymnast, a cheerleader, a flutist, a Glee Club member, and a straight A student on the honor roll, not to mention a model in local print ads.

Then she started sophomore year, and things started changing with her. In the beginning, she wouldn't eat, claiming she ate too much before. Then, her grades slipped from A's to D's. That was around the same time the fainting spells would happen, and when Shawnee started to look like she was dying.

At the time, Brandi had just started junior high, and she was scared. One day, Daniel told her that everything was fine, and that Shawnee started to eat again. He couldn't have known that she was throwing up everything she ate. There was no term for bulimia at the time, and it was definitely unheard of around the United States.

_Bulimia_, Brandi thought. It was such a pretty word for such a disgusting thing. Eventually, Shawnee got sent to the hospital, but they weren't sure what to do. Her body was eating her fat cells, and one day, it just gave up and quit. Ever since then, her mother was nuts about her eating habits, and her father ignored her.

Daniel refused to talk about it, but Ken understood. Even though he and Shawnee weren't close, he came support Daniel at the hospital, unsuspecting of the fact that he'd watch Shawnee die. It had a real effect on him.

Brandi grabbed some brownies off Ken's kitchen table and went into his room. "So," Ken said, looking at her. "Your hair's back to normal." Brandi smiled weakly. "I'm think I'm going to try out for cheerleading. But the Shawnee factor-it's weird." Ken nodded. "And, I mean, it's hard. I feel, like, sometimes my entire life has revolved around Shawnee. First, it was about being as perfect as her, and now it's not messing up like she did. And the worst part is that sometimes I don't even feel like I know who I am."

Ken studied her face. He could see that Brandi looked she had been through far more than a fourteen year old kid could go through. _She's a kid, Ken_. "I wonder what's on the radio," Brandi asked herself, trying to think about anything else. She turned it on and the Police's "Message in a Bottle" started playing.

She faced Ken again. "You like the Police?" He shrugged. "They're okay." She plopped back onto his bed. "Thanks. For listening." "No problem." Brandi sighed. "Ken?" "Yeah?" She looked right at him.

"Am I ugly? Not in general, I mean. Just, if you compared me to Shawnee or Vicki Appleby or somethin'." She flicked her hair out of face. "You look like Shawnee sort of," Ken said. "And you're prettier than Vicki Appleby. Then again, there are dogs prettier than Vicki Appleby." "But I mean, if you were my age, and in my biology class, and you could pick me or Cindy Sanders, who would you pick?" "You mean, if I was Sam?"

Brandi blushed. "No, just any freshman." "Depends." "On what?" "If I was Sam, I'd pick Cindy, because that's what I think I want. If I was me, I'd pick you." Brandi pouted a little. "You have to say that, since you're Daniel's friend." Ken chuckled. "I shouldn't have said that _because _I'm Daniel's friend."

Brandi was confused. "Why not?" Ken sighed a little. "Daniel… he rags on you in front of us and Sam because he doesn't want guys liking you." "Why?" "Because… you're like Daniel's little sister, OK? And guys don't date their friend's little sister. And big brothers keep guys they don't know from hurting their sister." Brandi frowned. "But I'm _not _Daniel's sister. Literally or figuratively."

"I know, but…" Brandi grew angrier. "So you guys just do whatever he wants? I guess you and Nick are just Daniel's bitches, huh?" Ken looked at her again. "I'm not anybody's bitch," he muttered. Brandi grabbed him. "Prove it," she hissed. "How?" She let go and gestured to herself. "You'd pick me, you said, right? Because you like how I look, huh?" Ken shrugged, desperately trying to look apathetic. "I guess." "You don't _guess_, Ken, you _know_."

Brandi put his hand on her leg and Ken turned red. "Brandi, what the hell are you doing?" "Do you or don't you like it?" Ken looked at Brandi's face. It was stuck in a stubborn frown. "What's the point, Bran?" "Answer me." "I like _you_, OK?" Brandi grabbed him and kiss him. At first Ken stiffened up but then he started kissing back.

Eventually Brandi pulled back. Ken laughed to himself. "I'd get killed if he knew what I was thinking right now." Brandi rolled her eyes. "This isn't about what Daniel wants," she said in a raspy voice. "It's about what _we _want. Right. This. Moment."

They started making out over the course of two hours, and Brandi let Ken under her shirt. Brandi looked at the clock. _Fifteen after eight_, she thought. "Ken," she asked. "When are your parents coming home?" He shrugged. "Late, maybe two or three. Do you have to go home?" Brandi shook her head. "My curfew's at 10. I have time, since I'm only fifteen minutes away." "Can I…" "Can you..."

"You know." "Ken," Brandi said. "I'm not on the Pill." "But I have a condom." "When I'm on the Pill, I'll let you know, OK?" Ken nodded. "I'm gonna go home. I'll see you tomorrow, right?" "Yeah, tomorrow." Brandi got up and left.

"What did I almost do," Ken asked himself.

* * *

**A/N: Post reviews and let me know what you think.**


	4. Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

Ch. 4  
Brandi sang to herself all morning. She put on a nice striped turtleneck and Shawnee's old Calvins. She put on strawberry LipSmackers and sprayed on Love's Baby Soft. Who needs Sam and his stupid Cindy, Brandi thought to herself. I have a boyfriend. She even stopped to eat a bowl of oatmeal before rushing out to Daniel's car. She waited silently until they got to Ken's house.

"Ken," she said, as her whole face light up.

He nodded at her and climbed in the car.

She rested her head on his shoulder and he pushed her off. "Brandi, what the hell," Ken said, trying to act like nothing happened. She blinked for a few moments, and then sat silently until they reached the school. At lunch Brandi waited for Ken to invite her to come sit with him. He didn't, and by the end of the day, Brandi was confused until Ken pulled her under the stairwell.

"Brandi, I have to explain what happened last night." He swallowed a little. "I'd called it an, uh, mistake, I guess."

Brandi rolled her eyes. She wasn't going to cry about it. She still liked Sam to some extent, and Ken was two years older than her. That's ancient in high school. She was starting to think it was a mistake too. "Look," she said. "I don't want to get married or anything. I don't even wanna go out with you. But, if you ever want to get laid, you know where I am. But only you. I'm not some kind of slut. I'm just not a prude, either."

Admittedly, Brandi wasn't a virgin. She had sex with another junior counselor at summer camp a few months ago. His name was Tim and he was from England. He had light blonde hair and brown eyes. He was tall, and gangly, and all the girls wanted him. Brandi got him. She had been on the Pill at the time, and besides she thought she was really in love. Three weeks after, he started to get on her nerves, and she on his. They broke up easily, no tears, no groveling. Somehow, though, all Brandi wanted to do was recapture that feeling she had for those first three weeks with somebody, anybody, and make it last. She wasn't attached to anyone, and she could move on to any willing boy. She just wanted what she thought Shawnee and Daniel had had. She didn't really like Kim and Daniel, to say the least. She didn't have a problem with them as people per say (well, not Kim anyway), but as a couple, she didn't take them very seriously. Kim just seemed like a rebound girl. She and Daniel were never particularly nice to each other, and the only thing they seemed to agree on was doing idiotic things for no reason. Brandi had done pot and drank beer a few times, but Daniel seemed to do it with a passion. It tended to annoy the hell of Shawnee when she was alive, and while Brandi didn't hate it quite as much, she didn't like how it made Daniel act as if he were more experienced and better than her. Brandi easily went back to staring at Sam for the duration of eighth period. She could easily bounce back from whatever any high school guy said to her. Especially if he was just being a pussy. She went home from school that day on the bus with Sam and Neal, but they kept talking about cheerleaders, so she ended up sitting behind them, next to Bill.

"You look different," he commented. "Did you change your hair?"

Brandi nodded. "This is my real hair color."

Bill nodded, with that same dazed look on his face. "I love you," he said. "But not as much as Carrie Fisher. Or Olivia Newton-John. So don't take it too seriously."

Brandi raised her eyebrows in surprise. _Man, this Bill kid is strange_, she thought. The bus smelled horrible, like kindergarten kid vomit and gasoline. Finally getting off was a relief. _Never again_, Brandi thought. _Not even for Sam. Or that Matt Dillon looking guy who winked at me. What was his name? Aaron, or Alan, or something._ As she walked home, Daniel's car pulled up alongside her.

"Hey, Brandi," he shouted as he drove along with her every step, just to tease her. "We waited and waited for you in the parking lot."

Brandi rolled her eyes. "Somehow," she shouted back. "I doubt it."

"Really," he yelled. "Nick made us wait."

Nick leaned out the window as well. "I didn't think you'd really wanna ride the bus," he said. "I mean, I used to hate it."

Brandi smiled at him flirtatiously.

"Quit bein' a slut, Bran," Daniel yelled.

She sneered and picked up the pace.

Daniel started to drive a little faster. "Aww, come on, Bran, you know I'm kidding," he yelled. "Get in the car. We're going to the bowling alley to make fun of the disco dancers. You've always liked that."

Brandi shrugged. "I'm not in the mood," she yelled back, still smiling at Nick, who was looking at her with surprise.

"You're always in the mood," Daniel yelled.

Kim pushed Nick back into his seat, and pushed her own head out. "Just get in the car so he'll shut up," Kim yelled. "If you want food or something, we'll get you something cheap at the bowling alley. One of those little red cups of fries or a mini pretzel or something."

Brandi shrugged again. "I don't know," she teased. "What's the magic word?"

"Get in the car, goddamn it," Daniel shouted.

Brandi giggled as she clumped next to Nick in the backseat. "I didn't know you guys cared," she said, still laughing.

"Of course, we do, kid," Daniel said, laughing as well.

At the bowling alley, Brandi managed to have a good laugh when she saw Cindy dancing with the other disco dweebs.

"Yeah," she shouted. "Keep going, Cindy! You're on fire! Ow!"

Cindy glared at her, and as soon as the song she was dancing to, "Rock with You" by Michael Jackson went off, she went right over to where Brandi was backed up against the wall next to Kim.

"I heard you want to be a cheerleader, Brandi," she said with a thin smile.

"Nah," Brandi said, shrugging her shoulder. She really didn't if Cindy was going to be on the squad.

"Well, that's good," Cindy said. "I mean, some people just aren't cut out for certain activities." She smiled that fake smile again.

"Yeah," Brandi said. "Like how you're not cut out for not being a bitch."

"Whatever," Cindy muttered. Brandi smirked as Cindy walked away. She still didn't get why Sam would like her. She was so obviously evil, and annoying, and prissy, and uptight...God, Brandi wanted to murder her. She wanted to murder and drive off into the sunset with her true love...whoever that was.


End file.
